Who am I Really

My friend Jill sent me a quote by Ramana Maharshi. The great Ramana Maharshi. Had a sudden intense fear of death at 17, examined what it was that would die – realized he was not his body, he was not his ego, and that what was left was what had always been there – the divine consciousness that illuminates everything. And that was it. No more fear of death. No more identification with a separate self. Boom. Done. Oh man, I wish it had been that easy for me.

Oh but where’s the fun in that?

So I pulled out The Teachings of Ramana Maharshi. After my own brush with realization, I was fascinated by these Indian teachers – Nisargadata and Ramana Maharshi. They talked over and over and over and over about exactly what I’d seen. With them, there was nothing else to talk about. You are God. There’s only one thing. Realize your true nature. Everything else is illusion.

I saw it and I lost it and I’ve been trying to get back there ever since. So I’m on about this again. There’s nothing like having your life completely shaken up the way mine has been lately to cause you to re-examine what really matters to you, and this is the thing that matters to me most. No matter how many times I forget and look elsewhere for happiness, I know everything but this is misguided.

And of course my approach here is likely going to miss the mark too. But I’m on fire with this desire to find the truth. Looking intently for this true nature. Trying to relax everything else I do so I can realize the thing that’s always been there. Because that’s a phrase that’s been sticking with me as I do this self inquiry. What has always been here? In Zen, they talk about it as your original face before your parents were born.

What seems to be helping me with this is trusting that it has always been here and it’s here right now and it’s right in front of my face and so I am opening my eyes and looking. What is this that has always been here? What is true right now? Just that seems to be the closest I can get. What is true right now? As always, I’ll report back soon…


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2 Responses to Who am I Really

  1. mom says:

    The Hindus have given us so many valuable clues to who is really here….I’m glad you are enjoying varying perspectives that offer other vantage points. I think each has something to offer us from their unique viewpoint…like multiple photos taken from different angles showing much more than just one picture could convey.
    LOVE your Blog!!

  2. Jill says:

    Betsy, one thing I love about you is your authenticity, your search for truth, the passionate desire to find your true nature, not outer meaningless things but what is most important – essence of beingness.

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