Dropping Off

How to realize no self. How do I realize that I am an illusion, that all of this is unreal, that the way I perceive everything is wrong, that an attachment to this body, these thoughts, these feelings – to call them me – is completely and utterly wrong. How do I drop off body and mind?

I wrote that first paragraph almost a week ago, when Steve and Phoebe had headed out for vacation and the week stretched before me full of possibility for contemplative practice. As I read it now, it feels full of grasping, wanting a state other than the one that is here. After a week of little stress and few demands, I feel peace and am able to return to the fundamental point of Zen – one of the first things a student learns, the thing almost everyone thinks of when they hear the word Zen – be in this moment. No past. No future.

In a lecture I listened to this evening, Adyashanti said he was happy to realize there was no point in looking back. Although I try to hold it loosely, the memory of the deep insight I had many years ago stays with me, and there is a desire, so often there somewhere in my mind when I am practicing, to repeat that experience, to take it further, and make it stick. What I see right now is that the truth can only be found in this moment. It’s so obvious, but it’s taken this long, cool drink of all this space for me to see it – that mind and body are already dropped off. Life is living effortlessly right here and now. All I need to do is open my eyes and see the miracle.

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